The Passing of a Friend

The old saying, "Be careful what you wish for," was all too true for me this morning. On my Facebook status, I posted "John Motter needs a another cup of coffee and then needs to write a new blog entry. Trying to decide what the topic should be. What do y'all want to hear about.?

A few minutes later, Paul responded by saying "Usually, the more mundane, the more interesting. Grocery shopping. Local news. Last evening's social interaction. It's all interesting from this far-away vantage point."

Then, I got an IM from my friend Russell who is now living in Vermont. He wanted to call me, but not knowing I was in Kenya, he had to give me the sad news via the internet. A friend of mine from my Seattle days died several weeks ago. His name was Glen McGear and he would have turned 46 on October 10th. After some tears, some typing, and some more tears, Russell and I said our goodbyes. I don't have a lot of information on the final cause of death for Glen, but am sure that it was of complications from HIV/AIDS.

You might wonder why I mention Paul saying to write about the mundane. It's certainly not because Glenn's life was mundane as it was far from that. It's not that his death is coming from a far-away vantage point. After all, Glenn was living in Seattle at the time of his death. I guess it's because deaths from HIV/AIDS continue to be all too common, all to "normal." Does anyone still become shocked by them? We should, but instead, I think we tend to mourn the death of that person and think it's just the cycle of life. And, maybe, just maybe, it is.

Everyone put on this earth will live and then will die. Some people die as babies from malnutrition, malaria, or dysentery. That's certainly a common happening here in Kenya as well as many other parts of the world. Some individuals are taken later in their childhood or youth from childhood forms of cancer, child abuse, or vehicular accidents. Some of us make it into our 30s or 40s, and then others live to a "very ripe old age." My one great grandmother made it to 103. Trust me, I'm glad I have some of her genes.

The issue for me this morning, is how do we put the memory of a person into perspective in such a way that we honor them. With Glen, I have some very fond memories of laughter and camaraderie. I have some memories of arguments as we both had strong personalities. But, I think what I will remember going forward is the activist spirit that he delivered as a result of living with HIV. He wanted to use his experience as a way to improve life for others. I don't think he did this for a pat on the back. He did it because, deep down, he was a very special person.

I first met Glen shortly after I moved to Seattle in January of 1996. Of course, I was still drinking then and we met while I was having cocktails in a local bar. Glen was a big person in many ways. First, he was tall, probably about 6'6" with an outgoing personality to match. He was already on disability by then. We hit it off and remained friends during my time in Seattle.

I have to say that as I hit my bottom, I let some of my friends slip to the side. Glen was one of those people. Yes, we still saw each other occasionally, but I was to wrapped up in the drama of my life. It was several years later that we were able to reconnect.

I was already involved as one of the Oregon spokespersons for HIV Stops With Me. The Seattle campaign recruited Glen to be on their campaign. We were able to joke about him being the "black" slot and I was the "former alcoholic/addict" slot. We made a great pair. Being on that campaign meant that our faces were on the internet, on bill boards, and TV ads (for Glen). We put ourselves out in the community as the "Faces of HIV." It wasn't always a popular stance. Sometimes I said things publicly or in print that got the ire of some in my community. Glen did the same thing. You see, the campaign was not about the right or wrong way to behave. It was about sharing how we behaved and what our thoughts were on that behavior.

Glen was featured in the client spotlight for Lifelong AIDS Alliance in Seattle. You can read his blurb at http://www.llaa.org/glen. He volunteered at Bailey-Boushay House. This organization served as both a residential care center and a day center for people living with HIV. Glen did a lot of other things that no one will ever know about. As Russell said to me this morning, "Glen was my sounding board."

Glen struggled in the last couple of years. He had serious bone necrosis (death) as a result of being on his medications for so long. He was having heart issues. Yes, he did complain at times. Yes, he did get depressed at times. But, he kept on fighting and struggling.

I have lost so, so many friends from this disease. It's never easy to hear the news. It always makes you look at your stage of the illness and wonder what is in the future. But today, I'm trying to look at the dignity with which Glen lived his life. He never made apologies for his illness. I'll truly miss him.