I was going through my old emails trying to find something specific when I came across an email I had written on June 17, 2008. It originally went to my friends at Cascade AIDS Project and details my thoughts on my visit to Rwanda. I've never publicly posted much about that trip. This email really captures the essence of my time in Rwanda. In the past year, I've continued to think about the genocide. I've read numerous books and accounts of the atrocities that occurred what is now 15 years ago. I still continue to struggle with comprehending it all.
Could you please forward this to all staff. I know that it is very long, but if people could be patient as they read it I would greatly appreciate it. I recently returned from a 10 day trip through Uganda and into Rwanda. So much of what I saw in Rwanda exhibits what the messaging of CAP has been over the past year. The need to stamp out discrimination, racism, sexism, homophobia, etc. has never been more present in my mind than it is now. I have to say that the images burned in my brain from Rwanda make much of what I’ve experienced... seem like nothing. Also, I have to say that I have not re-read the message as I normally do before hitting the send button. Even writing it spontaneously has brought about emotions that I don’t want to raise again at the moment.
One of the volunteers that was here with me in the fall talked me into going to Rwanda for gorilla trekking with her. She was the nurse that actually helped in the initially saving of my life when I became sick last January. Her “tour of duty” is up and she is spending her last month travelling around and visiting sites. Despite the extreme cost ($500 for one hour of viewing), we decided to go and see the Mountain Gorillas that were made famous by the movie Gorillas in the Mist. It was a long, 2 day overland trip by matatu (minivan), bus, and then a shared taxi (Toyota Corolla with 7 people in it). To visit the gorillas one must hike up through terraced farmland and then through dense jungle. The altitude is about 8,000 feet above sea level, and was no easy task for me to complete. However, in the end, it was worth every dollar and calorie spent in getting there.
We had chosen to see the Susa Group which is the largest of the habituated groups. It contains 38 gorillas, one of which is a 6 month old baby. It also contains 2 year old fraternal twins which are VERY rare as they usually do not survive. The Susa Group, of course, is also the most difficult to reach. The gorillas are a very endangered species and it is estimated that approximately 750 exist in the mountain regions that straddle Uganda, Rwanda, and the Democratic Republic of Congo. All I can say is that the experiences was completely awe inspiring. Although you are not permitted to be within 7 meters (yards), it was often impossible to not be closer. At one point, I could have reached out and touched a gorilla that simply sat there and looked at me with eyes and facial expressions that were all too human. We were able to see 22-24 of the 38 gorillas in this group. The privilege that I felt to be able to witness these divine creatures will forever be a highlight of my life.
I could go on and on about the gorillas, but that is not the real subject of this email. The gorilla trek simply serves as a reminder that Mary and I started our Rwandan travels at the highest point of Rwanda’s history rather than the lowest. The remaining week that we travelled throughout Rwanda only served as a constant reminder of the cruelty and inhumanity of mankind when the individuals, neighbors, or the world sit on the side and do not speak up against what is wrong.
Rwanda is roughly the size of Maryland and is referred to as the country of “Milles Collines” which means Thousand Hills. And, that is probably an understatement. The beauty of the land with its rolling hills, stepped farmland, winding roads, and greenery is spectacular. Also, because the roads and infrastructure are so advanced, it was relatively easy to travel. Rwanda’s official language is “Kinyarwanda” followed by French and then a smattering of English. There were many signs on the road that I could not read, but they all had one thing in common. Every village, regardless of size, had a sign that had two hands reaching upwards and the word “jenocide” somewhere in the writing. Also, because the genocide would have been going on during the time that we were visiting, many of the villages had special signs or flags being displayed.
I guess that I should give a brief history of the genocide in Rwanda. Although there have been genocides with more deaths, Rwanda’s is historical in the numbers that were killed in such a short period of time. Starting in April, 1994 and lasting for 100 days, somewhere between 800,000 and 1,000,000 people were killed. The majority of those killed were the minority Tutsis. Others killed were Hutus who helped to save the Tutsis. I won’t go into a long history of the Rwandans except to say that the Hutus and the Tutsis coexisted peacefully for many years. During colonization, first by the Germans, and then by the Belgians the divide was created. Rwandans were actually “assigned” to a tribe based on factors such as eye position and coloration, size of forehead, length of nose, etc. The Tutsis were said to be more intelligent and thus given better jobs and positions for work. The majority Hutus also tended to be more agrarian. This division brewed for many years before propaganda and politics led to the beginning of the massacre. Enough on that, as there are many books that you can read if you’d like more history.
While in the capital of Kigali, we visited the main Genocide Memorial. You can read more about it at http://www.aegistrust.org/index.php?option=content&task=view&id=211&Itemid=215. The rainy morning we visited set the mood for what we were to see. The center tells the history of the Rwandan genocide but also focuses on 5 other historical genocides such as the Nazi’s, Serbian, Khmer Rouge. The center of mass graves containing the remains of 250,000 people! These were human beings, mothers, fathers, sons, and daughters that were shot, butchered with machetes, or thrown against walls until their skills were crushed. The center showed footage of survivors as they described how they survived or how their families were killed. I’ve been to the Holocaust Museum in Washington, DC but even that did not compare to what I witnessed here.
The following day we took a day trip to Butare and then out to a technical school in Gykongoro where the Murambi Memorial is located. This technical school was a place where people saught safe haven. It sits atop a hill that looks out in all directions at beautiful hillsides. It was also the sight of the butchering of 40,000 people in a matter of 48 hours. The mass graves there contain these 40,000 and an additional 10,000 bodies collected from the surrounding area. I was not sure if I would be prepared for this memorial. The guide book described it as a bit macabre and not appropriate for everyone. You see, they have taken about 1,500 of the bodies and preserved them in limestone powder. In effect, they have mummified them. The bodies are kept in 24 of the classrooms on raised platforms. Mary and I only saw about 12 of the 24 rooms as we could not take seeing any more.
The scene was so distressing to witness. Even as I type this email, I am near tears at the images burned in my brain and the strange smell that stayed with me for hours afterwards. Most of the individuals had been made to undress before they were killed. However, some were still in their clothes. Some were parents clutching their small baby or child to their chest. Others were simply toddlers killed alone. Skulls showed signs of machete blows or bullet holes. Legs or arms of other bodies showed where they had been hacked with machetes. Some still had patches of hair nearly 14 years later. What were the thoughts of these human beings as they saw the Intrawahme (sp?) coming up the hillside and through the gates of the school? How can man be so inhumane to others. Should you feel you have the stomach to view some of the pictures, then you can go to http://homepage.mac.com/stevesimonphoto/Murambi%20Memorial/index.html. Even looking at these pictures cannot begin to evoke the feeling of actually being there.
So, what were my thoughts throughout this week? The genocide is only 14 years old. I saw mass graves of 10,000, 50,000 and 250,000 people. That was something that I could not comprehend. However, what I could comprehend was how I felt every time I sat on a bus or matatu. Was the person to my right a hunter and the one to my left a hunted? Did the person in front of me help to save a Tutsi even though they were Hutu? How many family members were killed? As I walked down streets, whether in a village or in Kigali, I looked at houses and thought “Who was killed in there?” or “How many people were hidden inside a closet in that house?” I could not help but look at people in the streets who had missing hands, or arms, or large scars on their head, face or arms.
Now, how do I wrap up this email in a positive and meaningful way? Rwanda, rather successfully or not, is campaigning to be a country or Rwandans and not a country of Hutus and Tutsis. One of the woman filmed for the Kigali Memorial Center said something to the effect that “If I am unable to forgive those that killed my entire family, those that threw my 3 sisters into a pit latrine and stoned them, those same people that were friends with me before the killing began, then how can I live?” Forgiveness is such a difficult thing to actually do successfully. I’ve been in the position, many times, of having to be forgiven for my transgressions or forgiven those who have transgressed against me. However, I have never been in the position that so many of the people I saw are/were in.
I am very grateful that I was able to witness the things that I did. I was not happy to have done so, nor would I ever like to do it again. However, I think that I can continue to use what I saw and witnessed to make myself a better person. What I’m writing in this email is different even from what I wrote in my journal a week ago. I am sure that what I will write or think next week will be different once again.
Genocide is never a spontaneous act. Genocide is something that grows, slowly or more quickly, because mankind wants to discriminate or dehumanize others. Whenever we say “Never again” we have an again. We can only stop when we refuse to be quiet as we see wrong. I am grateful to know that I have a hard time keeping my mouth shut when I see something that I perceive is wrong. Even when I open my mouth and say something is wrong, I may learn more information that shows that I need to look at another perspective. Regardless, unless we can open our mouths and our ears then inhumanity against others will continue.
Thank you so much for reading this email through to the end. I know that it is quite long, but I think that it is so important in the context of our learning to be better living creatures of our planet.
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